life-clips...

Its strange how it is the little things that can make us fly and also the littlest of things that can take the wind out of our sails..

forever [PART-1]

Its strange how we just see people all our lives without ever wondering where they came from or where they were going..
We take it for granted that the next time we walk in the door, they would be there, doing the dishes or drying the laundry, like they had for as long as you can remember.

Its like that old classic chair in the corner of the sitting room;
it was there when you started to learn how to crawl;

it was there when you were sent off screaming to nursery school;

it was right there in its corner, when you walked in screaming with your first prize;

it was still there when you packed your bags and swaggered off to college with that smug look on your face and those stars in your eyes, telling the world, here I come to beat the hell out of you!!

And every time you come back for a vacation, a little more beaten, a little more hopeless, with a few more stars fizzled out from your eyes, it lay right there.

May be, a little more thread-worn a little bit more dusty, the paint on it paws a little more chipped, the polish a wee bit duller, but it was there…still stagnant silent..but forever

And then you walk in one cold January weekend, wheezing from a bad case of viral, still not really over the nightmare of a, not unusually, bad set of semester exams, only to find a shining new leather recliner in place of the old chair.

Turns out, forever just ended.. (to be continued..)

PS: This is actually a long work in progress, impossible to wrap up in a single post, therefore i am going to post it in parts, one part everytime i write, something like a series.
yes, i promise to continue this one unlike another such post, whose second part i never really got round to wrting, so do wait for the next part :D
take care
#queen bee# :)

Boredom

what is boredom?

is it when u crave for company every second of the day
and can't stand people for more than two minutes at a stretch?

is it when you can't wait for the class to get over
and actually curse the college 'coz they gave you a half day?

is it when you pick up a book you have been dying to read for almost a month
and look for the smallest excuse to put it down?

is it when you go off for a walk by yourself to feel refreshed
and actually come back feeling even more tired in both body and soul?

is it when you have 10 movies to chose from
and end up not watching any 'coz u just couldn't make up your mind?

is it when you have been looking forward to your friend's big b'day bash for days
and the night before lie about some important engagement so you won't have to go?

is it when you log in to gtalk to wile away your time
and end up saying brb to everybody just to hide the fact that you have nothing to say?

is it when you spend an hour digging in the computer for your favourite songs
and turn off the playlist in the middle of the very first song?

is it when you fight with your roomie to turn off the light at nine so you can sleep
and end up lying in bed till 5 in the morning trying to find a way around your insomnia?

is it when you make exorbitant plans for your life to pass time
and can't think of three good reason why you should be alive?

is it when you have fought for freedom all your life
and can't bear the desolation it actually brought?

if it is....then it seems that i am suffering from an advanced case of boredom

MY 2007..

Well, here I am at the end of another year..2007..
and what a year it has been..my 21st year on the face of this earth
a year like any other and yet at the end of it i feel so different from what i had when it had started.

I started the year on a rather dull note..studying for a stupid exam (multimedia..don't go by the name..for anyone who has studied under MDU would know..it has one of the most boring rattu syllabi) and ended it in a similar vein..studying for another dumb exam (compiler design..though i have still no idea what they mean by it..)

Some of the highlights of the year:

1) Celebrated my 20th B'day with the best bunch of friends in the world eating the tastiest of pizzas eating the chocolatiest of cakes and building the choicest of memories :) (ah! and add to that receiving the most gorgeous straight-out-of-my-fantasies bouquet of red roses!!)
2) Within two days of the dream B'day, i got my first placement with infosys(yuhoooo!!! can't even begin to explain the feeling of giving my first interview..swallowing all my nails in anticipation and then finally standing under the star lit sky of some obscure college a little outside of Alwar)

3) To my great surprise, got placed with accenture as well, the only other company i sat for..even after i was sure i messed up my technical interview.
Now i am in doldrums about which company to join once college gets over in July this year.
:sigh: its hard to believe but my last semester in college just started...

4) The dolphin that changed my life forever:
---for better or for worse???
hmmm..i am still not sure :)


5)Headed the compeering team for my college festival..turns out dreams that come true..turn out to be worse than nightmares..

5) Found some friends lost some...

6)In some ways i have finally grown up while in others..i just realised i am incapable of ever doing that (a big sorry to all those well wishers who keep telling me "Umang--GROW UP!!!" i just can't i swear i tried.. :| )

7) Started this blog..and what a life savor it has been...when i started it one summer evening on the insistance of my friend suni di (who has always had a little too much faith in my writing and other abilities...love u di and thanks for being what u have been to me), with a funny piece about "Lizardo phobia", i had no idea how this little piece of cyberspace was going to change my life..how it would become my little kingdom of white sand.. the queen bee's buzzing ground :D
This has been the perfect outlet for all my ramblings..the chalice for all my pain.. the cuppa of all my joys..and above all it brought me in contact with people who think and feel like i do and helped me find some of my dearest friends..


All in all, 2007 wasn't a good year or a bad year..it was a year of changes...
some big laurels.. some painful falls..new highs and walks down memory lane...

I learnt that cliches are often the most apt things to use or do in a particular situation..and to use another one of those cliches...the most important thing that 2007 taught me was..

"The only thing constant is change"


feelings..attitudes..love..hatred..positions..jobs..principles..people..life..they all changed this year..
for better or for worse..for highs or for lows..who is to judge? and on what basis?...

life goes on..
differently for different people at different times..
and so it will in this new year

with hope and inquisitiveness..i welcome the year 2008

a very very happy new year to all of you...and more than that wish you a year full of curiosity and excitement

hugs and kisses

#umang# :)

PS: I know its a little late for a New Year post..but then what with exams, viral, home etc..i just didn't get round to completing this post which had been lying unfinished in my drafts since
31st December, 2007...
:apologies: :)

I don't have a title for this one..call it what u like..

I have seen the beach make love to the sea
I have seen the light dance a tango with a stream

I have seen the wind kiss a solitary leaf
I have seen the bee being a devilish thief

I have felt the care of an unseen hand
I have felt God in a grain of sand

I have seen innocence being sold
as the price for a love gone cold

I have seen the power of a single look
I have felt the taste of a delicious book

I have felt the breath of ice
I have heard the sun's silent voice

I have gotten drunk on the wine called life
and been stabbed by its vicious knife

I have felt the world go round as i stood still
many a secret i have seen the universe spill..


Every moment, every second..
I have seen my heap grow
good, bad, old, new..I don't know..
..This is me...and my treasure trove..


PS: I request all those who read it to please include a title of your choice for this poem in the comments urf plashes section..i would love to know what this says to you
take care :)

PPS: by the way, on popular request..i have decided to award an award for the best title(the one that speaks the most to me..) from among all those left behind in the comments section..the result would be announced on the 2nd of January, 2008 in the comments section of this post. The awarded would get something special from my end(i still haven't decided what that would be so..keep guessing :D).
In order to help me judge i request u to kindly include an explanation behind the title yo chose to give this.
thank you people
love and luck

#umang# :)

Adieu.. :sob:

This is to inform all my wonderful friends at blogger, that I, umang (exuberance :D) am looking forward to one month of pure hell..err...semester exams
so, would probably be absent from my little white kingdom..in the hope of not being forgotten, this is adieu till then :)
take care, while i go and fight a loosing battle against those demons some of us call the "BE semester exams" :sigh:


PS: of course, keep checking my space 'coz with me you never know when the urge to write might kidnap my senses and take over :D

and yes, do miss the queen bee *buzz* *buzz* :)

*hugs to all*

#umang#

pretentions...

who was i kidding?

pretending i was over my past..

pretending we could be "just friends"..

pretending i was cool with the way we talked..like strangers..

pretending i was soooo over him..

pretending he couldn't break my heart with just one sentence anymore or with one "c ya" in the
middle of a conversation

pretending that reading the mail i had saved in my drafts to be sent as his b'day gift ages ago..when i was still his doll..wouldn't bring tears to my eyes

pretending that sending it to him would elicit anything but a "yeah got your mail..didn't read it properly..aur bta kya chal raha h?"

pretending i am happy and loved and satisfied..when i can't even bring myself to like me..

pretending i have no regrets..that i am happy with my memories..when i curse the very moment i decided to talk to my best friend's friend, who had fallen in love with my dolphin...

pretending and pretending...lying to all and to myself..."everything is great in my life..yoo!! i am mast hoohaaa!! the queen bee".. when each day all i do is give an overdose of sleeping pills to the bloody bashed up mess i call "my heart" to dull its senses..
or just add a few more balls of cotton to my deaf ears...to stop myself from hearing its painful moaning..

the tears are not yet dry
the pain is not going to die
the memories still kill
and my world with lies fill
you try so hard to make me hate u
but i know in my heart i'll always love u as i live my life through...