Monday, 28 April, 2008

officially out of hell

Its been a long long time since I wrote here. This place has been my white queendom.
The place where I poured out all the stark white depression of my life. My hell.
This is the place which let me heal my deepest wounds. This is also the place where I shared my joys and highs. But at one point I realized the muck I had let out here was beginning to stick to me and I felt a need to get away. A need to let go of the past, the pain the sorrow, a need to be born anew. So, in one stroke, I left. Left for a new untainted beginning. Left for a place where there was no pain. I moved towards a transformation.
Yet a tie had remained.
Today, a year to the day I started this place, which became the core of my existence, I officially wrap up this bundle for good.
I am officially closing my blog.
I feel a lot of things...

A sense of joy for having gotten over my past.
A sense of loss for putting a final lid over some of the most honest emotions I have ever let out.
A sense of gratitude for the wonderful friends I found through this space and the support I got from them...

But I must not linger now.

my dear kingdom of white white sand..
I bid you one final goodbye..
don't let time blow away the prints I have left..
don't let my silent whispers die..

Wednesday, 20 February, 2008

Budday report!!

Ok folks I promise this is my last budday related post till next year.. so please bear with me :D

anyway, all i wanted to say is that it was the best budday I have had till date.. full of more surprises than I could count.. A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG thank you to all my wonderful friends both in the real and virtual world who made my day sooooo special.
Non-stop phone calls.. two surprise cakes(and yes 1 was a delicious yummy truffle)... very pretty surprise cards.. balloons hand painted with loving words from friends.. a satin rose.. a hand made glass painting with a dolphin :sigh: ... real cute earrings.. a wonderful surprise gift all the way from a friend in pune.. a cute soft heart.. the most beautiful bunch of 5 roses ever as a wake up gift.. a pink muffler and matching pink slippers from my best friend and a surprise clean up of my big messy room..
phew!! no there is more.. my friend Ankit Jain, wrote a beautiful poem in hindi just for me and gifted it to me on my budday. And my life long friend, suni di, who is among the few people who probably knows me a lot better than I know myself wrote a beautiful poem too as a gift.
The top 5 testimonials on my orkut profile are, yes you guessed it right, they are surprise budday gifts that actually made me cry with their sweetness. If any of you want to have a look here's the link to my orkut profile
and yes how can I forget the wonderful mails and the card that maverick made for me in paint that was soooooooo sweet and yes vandy.. i loved your ecard..
and it wasn't just the surprises that made me feel so special.. it was all the effort that all my buddies put into making my day so special.. singing, dancing, loving me and just making me feel like a real princess... Thanks everybody it really spoke volumes about how much I am loved and cared for :)

By the way, I am posting Ankit and Suni di's poems here and also some of the pictures.. hope you guys enjoy reading them as much as I loved receiving them..

Ankit's Poem :
मुस्कराहट ने हँसी का जाम भेजा है,तारो ने आस्मान से सलाम भेजा है,
मुबारक हो आपको जनम दिन,तहे-दिल से हमने ये पैगाम भेजा है.
दुआ है की कामयाबी के हर सिखर पे आप का नाम होगा,
आपके हर कदम पर दुनिया का सलाम होगा,
हिमत से मुश्किलों का सामना करना हमारी दुआ है की वक्त
भी एक दिन आपका गुलाम होगा.
दुआ करते है यही खुदा से,
आपकी जिन्दिगी में कोई गम न हो,
जन्मदिन पेर मिले हजारो खुशियाँ,
चाहे उनमे शामिल हम न हो.

खाविस्हें तमाम तुम्हारे पूरी हो,खुशियों से तुम हमेशा आबाद रहो,
खुदा सलामत रखे तुम्हे हमेशा,सालों साल तुम यूँही जीते रहो,
किसी अनछुए गम की भी परछाई न हो,सब तुम्हे आते जाते करे सलाम ऐसा तुम्हारा नाम हो. जन्मदिन मुबारक हो.

Suni di's poem :
She opened her eyes
to a world of fairies,
dancing mermaids and
never ending magic..
Pure and innocent..
She was God's little Angel.

She sailed across the seas
playing with dolphins,
making castles in the sand and
marking her territory..
Ever exuberant..
She was God's little Angel.

She made friends out of strangers

with her delightful smile,
leaving them overjoyed and
enamored with her innocence..
lovingly flamboyant..
She was God's little Angel.

She was met instead with a
world of unkindness,
which broke her heart and
laughed at its pieces..
Aching to be loved..
She was God's little Angel.

She shed many an unseen tears
over her shattered dreams,
But she embellished in her pain and
wrote beautiful poetry..
aloof yet alluring..
She was God's little Angel.

She sure wasn't the kind
to drown in self pity,
who could give up on life and
kill the love she had inside..
knowing and determined..
She was God's little Angel.

So she gathered her clipped wings
tended them with care,
Lifted her chin up and
slowly started to fly again..
scared yet impassioned..
She was God's little Angel.

And now she still spreads love
wherever she goes,
rubbing off her charm on others and
touching lives of everyone..
She sure has a magic wand..
For she is God's little Angel.

And here are some of the pictures:

My cakes:

Maverick's gift:
Gifts!!! :

Love hugs and kisses

#Queen Bee#

PS: by the way my new profile picture is the temporary queen bee tattoo that I got on my ankle in goa :D

Tuesday, 19 February, 2008

On a fluffy green cloud

She was lying on her belly, alone in her little spot of sunshine, next to where the two hedges met. It was her tiny kingdom, secluded from the rest of the world by the earphones that were plugged into her ears. Her long black hair fell all around her, forming a veil from prying eyes.
A book lay open before her, its pages rippling in the light breeze, as she lay there day dreaming, wrapped in the soothing warmth of sun's golden blanket.
An empty bottle of dew stood next to her crumpled green bag, shining like a wizard's emerald staff.
The few drops she had spilled were glittering still, like a magical potion on earth's soft green carpet.
One leg was raised up in the air, dancing a ballet in time to the rhythm of Enrique crooning "I can be your hero baby...". One big toe reached down to slide up the other leg, while the other lay knotted in the grass, playing with its tiny green tentacles, as they tickled her till she giggled...
The shadows from a near by tree creeped in, waging a silent war against the sun's warm rays, slowly gaining ground as they gobbled up her little kingdom.
But she was not worried. She knew that by the time they reach her, she would be long gone, and tomorrow, when she returned, the sun would have again swept back the black tendrils from her little spot by the hedge.
So she looked up at the tree and its big violet flowers and smiled as if greeting a long lost friend.

The song ended.. the sounds from without came crashing in ...
the shouts of the guys playing football on the other side of the hedge..
the giggling girls..
the crooning love birds..
and then it was Bryan Adams talking about that place "where angels fear to tread...", and she was back in her bubble, like a veil blown up by a sudden gust of wind and slowly fluttering back in place...
She raised her hand to her hair, and flinched, she hadn't realized how hot her hair had gotten in the sun's upside down furnace.
She closed her eyes and smiled, in spite of herself, resting her head on her hands, as they covered the yellowed pages of the book she had barely read... content.. soothed.. fulfilled..
soaking in these few minutes of heaven and stars in the sun, rising up on a fluffy green cloud... before she had to step off it, back into the screaming conspiring world where she had to live, but where she never belonged..

#Queen Bee#

PS: hey folks! I had an absolutely rocking budday and I really want to write about it, but I am sure all of you are a little fed up of reading about nothing else, so here is this little piece I wrote while lying alone in a back garden of my college canteen.. hope u enjoy it.. a full report of my big day is up next in a day or two.. till then its hugs kisses and buzzes from the queen bee adios :)

Saturday, 16 February, 2008

Mera budday aa gaya!!!! :D :D :D

yes yes yes.. just three hours to go.. the preparations have begun...
Got my unruly hair temporarily straighted in the evening :D :D :D
Got teased by 3 guys while walking back to the hostel :( :( :( ,
I don't know what my friends have in store for me, I have a feeling they have something really scary planned for me, last to last budday they pretended to be disinterested and all and didnt even get a cake and left me alone and made me cry and then surprised me with a rocking party half an hour late :D
Two of my friends have already wished me.. one by mistake(after all my reminders she actually managed to confuse it with 16th Grrhhhhhhh...!!) and the other one 'coz he won't be able to meet me tomorrow..
I have my digicam all charged and emptied.. after all its my last budday in college fotos-shotos to honi chiye :D..
The sea-green kurta I am wearing tomorrow is all crisp and tidy..
And my orkut status message reads : "mera budday aa gaya!!!! its my day 2mrw and i am the queen"

can't believe i am actually turning 21... not that I have any intention of growing up or letting go of my childish ways :D, but still, its a strange feeling, its like things are changing, so many old days kissing the sea like an orange sunset.. so many new surprises growing into a dawn..
new privileges new responsibilities.. as one friend pointed out.. I'll be eligible to stand for prime minister.. God save this nation if I ever decide to
exercise that right :D

any way coming back to the point.. mera budday aa gaya!!! :D :D :D
time for masti fun and loads of memories... with all these wonderful people around me and all the love they lavish on me.. it could be nothing short of special, bilkul queen bee style

and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig thank you to all those people who read my blog and have already poured in their wishes
guys u have no idea how much this space and you mean to me..

Loads of special wala hugs kisses and buzzzes

#queen bee#

Friday, 15 February, 2008

Tryst with the sea..

The sand looked inviting, the white foam at peace,
as it came out to touch me, it was soft as fleece.

I saw the satin ribbons, disappear beneath my feet,
i saw myself through the eyes, of the ocean's wild fleet.

The sand the salt the warmth, the flowing cold,
they washed over me as I waded deeper, stronger, feeling bold.

A shiver of doubt, a moment of fear,
as the ocean claimed me, the green got near.

A spluttered breath, a useless struggle
a liquid scream, a solid gurgle.

and then.. then silence

The silence that only the thunderous sea holds,
as the waves crushed my ears, in a million folds.

The salt balmed my smoldering wounds,
the air rushed out, like chased hounds.

I was helpless, floating, defeated, tossed around,
and yet, never a sweeter victory had i ever found.

As i surrendered myself to the mercy of the sea,
I finally tasted the freedom that eluded me..
I finally tasted the freedom that eluded me..

PS: buzz buzz everyone.. the queen bee is back from her little break.. back from sun and sea.. back into the payjama clad, quilt covered, shivering world of Delhi..
sorry i am in a bit of a hurry today, have two tests snarling at me and haven't even started studying.. will be back tomorrow evening with a good sniff of the sea..

till then its hugs kisses and buzzes all the way..

#Queen Bee#

PPS: and by the way.. "MERA BUDDAY BAS AA HI GAYA!!! YUHOOOO!!!" :D :D :D

Wednesday, 6 February, 2008

Loser's Plight

As I had promised, I looked through my old diaries and dug out the poem that was the inspiration behind the one i posted a few days ago, under the title, Loser's song
I had written the original some 4-5 years ago and am posting it below...

Tears of misery have flown past
but none have stopped to give a look,
to the eyes of the loser who came last.
only he, who the crown took,
is heeded with joy and fanfare
as those who lay on the dust defeated,
are condemned and bound to only stare.
But, is there a value of the victor,
without the presence of a loser's sector?
Is it not a ghastly sin,
to spit at those who could not win?
But this, Alas! is the human way,
that losers have no right to play,
and to tell what they had come to say..
and to tell what they had come to say!!

I found a lot of other interesting stuff in those old diaries, can't believe I had written all that stuff all those years ago and then had given up writing altogether for more than three years, before starting again with this blog.
How had I even been alive without writing all those years?? It was like i just couldn't do it anymore, may be it was just the pressure of coming to college.. hostel.. friends.. foes.. life.. :sigh:

Anyway, I am writing again and its a true blessing.. God nothing else in the world gives me more pleasure...
By the way, might post some of the other stuff from the diaries some other day... :)

For now, I just hope you enjoy this one.

Take care

#queen bee# :)

Sunday, 3 February, 2008

Dilli ab door nahi!! :D

Hello everybody!

Its February, and its that time of the year again..

Flowers.. Chocolates.. Truffle cake.. Gifts.. Partying.. Surprises.. aaah.. mmmmm... :sigh: :sigh:

No, I was not talking about the much hyped Valentine's Day
I don't really see much logic behind raising such a hue and cry over it..
I mean come to think of it,

For people in love, every day is a Valentine's day..
and for people not in love (like me!!), Valentine's day is just another day..
so what's the rush about eh?

Anyway, what i was talking about was my Big day bole to mera BUDDAY!!!, which falls on 17th of February, and I can barely contain my excitement. For those, who don't know me personally, and have been spared the torture of being reminded everyday of the coming event :D,
I am about the only person you'll find who gets sooooooo excited about her b'day..

My friends tell me that I am worse than a kid, to find out why..well, just read on.. :

Since December, every time I meet someone, and i mean anyone... my friends, their parents, bf's, gf's, grand parents, aunts, uncles etc. etc... I manage to somehow steer the conversation towards the fact that my b'day is coming!!

I have given in to shocking everyone, by exclaiming in the middle of a studying/sleeping/crying/laughing/
whatever-else-its-possible-for-a-room-full-of-people-to-do room, something like
"mera b'day ane wala hai!!! yippiiieee!!!"

Every time we are in the middle of celebrating anyone's B'day, I have an uncanny habit of bringing up my b'day again with a "mera b'day ane wala hai!!! yippiiieee!!!" and a worse still ,"mere budday pe to hum ye karenge, mere budday pe to hum wo karenge"

I keep reminding all my friends that my favourite flavour in cake is chocolate truffle, and if they dare get anything else for my b'day.. well they are dead

I have been hounding my friends to get their minds to work, and to start planning my budday and have been threatening them to either come up with some biiiiiiiiig surprise and something really special and imaginative, or else.. GRHHH..!!..

I spent one whole night looking for a good b'day counter for my blog and put this one up a few days ago for the whole world to see.

I got scolded by the warden recently for scribbling on my room's wall.. I am sure you would have guessed what the inscription read, yes you were right, it was "Umang's B'day-- 17th February :D"

and the list continues.. and now that its coming closer, I can hardly sit for a minute without fantasizing about it.. :sigh: :sigh: ..
I am going to get my hair straightened.. get a brand new dress .. hang out with my friends.. get loads of snaps clicked.. and just be a princess :D :D :D

By the way what triggered this post was the fact that it was my friend's b'day today and we all went to Select City Walk in Saket.. it was awesome to say the least.. we all had a blast.. sat in one of these tent like things on the terrace, put cake all over the b'day boy's face, complete with a red cherry on his nose(a lady walking past our tent actually got her baby daughter to come and look at him, telling her that he was a clown.. after that we had kids peeking into our tent every few minutes trying to catch a glimpse of the "clown" :D :D), had some great food, though the chilly chicken was way below par(well u can't have everything now, can u??), did loads of window shopping :D and finished it off with pics next to the wonderful fountains..
aaah and yes how can i forget the whole group singing off key at the top of our voices all the way back to the hostel..
in one sentence.. "it was pure undiluted FUN!!.."
I hope my budday is just as much fun.. hehe..

Phew!!! now that's what I call a really long, really vella post.. but who cares?? I am happy today and vaise bhi.. "mera budday ane wala hai!!!!" ;) :D :D :D

love, luck, loads of hugs kisses and buzzes!!

#queen bee# :D :D

PS: By the way I love surprises, am a real sucker for imaginative ones, so if any one of you want to give me some.. i would love it!! hehe.. see there i go again :D