Wednesday 12 December 2007
who was i kidding?
pretending i was over my past..
pretending we could be "just friends"..
pretending i was cool with the way we talked..like strangers..
pretending i was soooo over him..
pretending he couldn't break my heart with just one sentence anymore or with one "c ya" in the
middle of a conversation
pretending that reading the mail i had saved in my drafts to be sent as his b'day gift ages ago..when i was still his doll..wouldn't bring tears to my eyes
pretending that sending it to him would elicit anything but a "yeah got your mail..didn't read it properly..aur bta kya chal raha h?"
pretending i am happy and loved and satisfied..when i can't even bring myself to like me..
pretending i have no regrets..that i am happy with my memories..when i curse the very moment i decided to talk to my best friend's friend, who had fallen in love with my dolphin...
pretending and pretending...lying to all and to myself..."everything is great in my life..yoo!! i am mast hoohaaa!! the queen bee".. when each day all i do is give an overdose of sleeping pills to the bloody bashed up mess i call "my heart" to dull its senses..
or just add a few more balls of cotton to my deaf ears...to stop myself from hearing its painful moaning..
the tears are not yet dry
the pain is not going to die
the memories still kill
and my world with lies fill
you try so hard to make me hate u
but i know in my heart i'll always love u as i live my life through...