I M BACK..!!..

Well, i know i deserve to be crucified for being lazy enough to be absent from my blog for so long

I could site the fact that the wi-fy in my hostel wasn't working or that i just didn't have the time(which would be well, as far from the fact as could be) or that i was in relatively deeper throes of depression than usual..

well, whatever i might say...the truth is simply that i was too lazy to as much as open my own blog, or for that matter, that of others

so you wonder what has brought me back from my slumber into the ever bubbling and growing bloggers' universe...

hmmm...

this new 3 days off per week schedule which we fourth years' are blessed(or rather cursed) with, a rumie who has gone back to bed for want of anything better to do, no friends worth talking to on gtalk or yahoo, insomnia, heartbreak(well, i sometimes wonder how long it would be before my heart is ground to dust under the constant assaults it bears), mosquitoes, a need to ramble about nothing in particular..well whatever the reason might be.. i m back!!

a lot has most certainly not happened in my life in the last few weeks i have been absent from my space...

but anyway here goes the countdown of the highlights of my life this last few weeks..



1. college is now open so i am in Gurgaon and not sleeping my days off at home.

2. i have grown to about twice my size in these holidays..as a result, my friends went into shock on seeing me and gave me an ultimatum that if i didn't want to end up like an over weight killer whale i had to do some drastic slimming down..

the brighter side of course was that i got to revamp my whole wardrobe as none of my clothes fitted me anymore..and since i love getting new clothes..well did you hear me complain too loud? ;)

3. lost my best friend to that most potent of all poisons..love

4. got placed in accenture in addition to infosys, something that has done not much accept add to my already mammoth list of confusions (by the way if any of you have more idea about the software industry than i do..please do share your view on the subject "which would be better to join as an assistant engineer straight out of college- Infosys or accenture??" i shall be obliged :D)

5. got my result..quite to my surprise(a pleasant one for a change) i passed in all the subjects

6. misplaced my trust and belief and demands and am stuck in this mire with no way out without tearing a lot of heart ligaments (nothing unusual there, this is quite a usual state of life for me )

7. wrote my first poem in over three years and posted it on my blog...hated it

8.lost one of my oldest friends to depression(my own not hers'..she is just fed up of seeing me at the end..refer to point 6.)

9.know exactly what i should be doing and as usual doing exactly the opposite of it even though its shredding me to ribbons...

10. getting bored to death, may be they'll have to hold a funeral soon.. ;) :D

in short..not much to share..and i can attribute this post to nothing except an insistent desire to write..

well hopefully, my next post wouldn't be as dismal as this..so watch this space for something better to come..as i said, hope..

i stand here lost...

i stand here lost and betrayed
the price of trust, so high
with my tears, i seem to have paid

as sad and broken i lie,
upon this rough hard stone
i hear from my lips a sigh,
and shudder to my very bone

what was my fault,
but to trust with all my heart
to open that sweet vault,
to one who simply took it apart

i loved and i cared,
but all i got in return
is this pain i had so feared,
and a soul just left to burn

and not for the first time,
i have had my heart bled
by one who doesn't care a dime,
about the despairs that render me dead

where is the hope and joy,
that would light this sordid dark
stop my heart being treated as a toy,
and make it sing like a lark

i beg u take the hurt away,
to let me soar from this abyss
at whose edge i here sway,
and see my life go amiss

unbind the ropes that bind me,
give me back my golden wings
from this autumn let me flee,
to get drenched in the bright springs

i stand here lost and alone,
but not for long i hope
unturned my heart would be from stone,
and no longer in darkness shall i grope...

The burning ice within

As i lay on my hard earthen bed,
i saw a bird falling through the sky
i ran and watched him, bleeding...untrusting...shot by one of my kind

i tried to take him in my hands...he slipped away...scared..

i wanted him to fly again...but he feared falling through

i waited patient...singing to him, saying words so soothing...
drugged him with sweet words and kisses...

he let me touch him...i was tender and loving..wanting him to fly again..

he let me balm his wound...let me care for him..he was beautiful..

he was loving...he taught me a new song to sing...
he was healed..and so was i
he took my hand and gave me a twist..and there i was flying away to the stars...
i was a bird..beautiful like him..free

we flew higher...together..trusting..into the night...out to touch the stars shining down warm..inching closer..

and then they were gone..and i met the cold stare of the burning sun..my wings shriveled, the sun blinded me with its cold gaze...i faltered, i shivered and let him go..i was falling , i looked around..but he was there to catch me..to hide me under his warm wings..to hide me from the freezing hot sun..

i was happy again.. i was flying..singing sweet songs..dancing a tango to his tune..

yet, i felt the shivers..the rays of the sun found their way around me..yet, i held on...

but the wings weren't warm anymore, the stars did not return..
the sun was too cold, it blinded me and froze me..it drove me raving mad..i just wanted the day to end...
and so i tore at the very wings i had so sweetly mended..broke the trust i had so patiently earned..

i killed my beautiful bird..shot him..like the other..sent him falling through the sky...

the sun dimmed and the cold was gone

i was no longer flying..back on my earthen bed under the shade of the night..

but the stars did not return, they were nowhere to be seen...

and the cold without was gone replaced by a burning ice within...

If lizards have terrified and harassed me all my life the one animal i have always loved is a dog...

ever since i was a kid we have shared a kind of mutual comradeship
which never failed to surprise and terrify my mom who has always feared these beings probably because she almost got bitten by one as a kid
well but as far as i am concerned i have been in love with these loyal loving beings for as long as i can imagine...
but thanks to my mom's aforementioned apathy towards them i have never been able to get a dog of my own...alas...
so i have decided that once i start earning and living on my own(which hopefully would be the next year) the first thing i m going to buy would be a German shepherd puppy!!!
with their furry coats powerful bodies and ferocious(to the enemy) yet loving nature they are my indisputable favorites
so what else can i say but in today's world where honesty of emotions isa byword and loyalty has literally gone to the dogs, these creatures are a refreshing change from the hypocrisy of the human populace...at least they give us that rare commodity..a relationship without appearances without deceit and with oodles of love...

no wonder i find it much more relaxing spending time with a loving dog than a co-human...

MAGIC!!!

Well the wait is almost over...its again time for fantasy...time for living some Magic
its time for the last of the harry potter books...i, like all harry potter fans worldwide am waiting desperately for J.K.Rowling to spin her wand again and let us loose into her magical world...

21st of july, the day when the "harry potter and the deathly hallows" would finally be released, seems not to come soon enough..

i have already booked my copy of this final installment of pure magic for us muggles

i have met loads of people who have laughed at me and called me kiddish for my love(rather bordering on obsession) for this series..but i couldn't care less

this series of books are not for children alone but also for dreamers who have let the hopeful child in them live on...who are not afraid or skeptical about the most fantastic and unbelievable adventure...the adventure of magic...the adventure of harry potter

has not everyone of us nurtured a secret love for magic that extraordinary power for making our wildest dreams come true??
These books give us a chance to take that dip into the unknown...

with their interesting language and rowling's pure talent to create magic with her quill, they take us into a living breathing world of their own...so seemingly removed from ours yet deeply steeped in it...

we forget we are not a part of it but just mere visitors...we live our wildest fantasies, feel empowered with the most amazing powers...visit the most astonishing places and are subject to the most breathtaking visuals...

yes we don't need a movie to visualize exactly what is going on , thanks to her rich colorful language we can see it all enfolding before us...it is like being in a pensive...the device that allows you to enter unseen into the memories of people and see exactly the events that enfolded through the eyes of the owner of that memory

we can "literally" touch and feel this fabric of mystique
it is like the words controlled by some magical wand come out and put up a show for us while we recline and savor the wondrous taste of the fantastic

what makes it all the more magical is how these great wizards with magic and power at their fingertips are just as human as us mundane muggles...
we can identify with each stage the characters grow through...from sweet innocent childhood to the first stirrings of youth, from teenage tantrums to mature acceptance of what fate throws in their way...

above all, these books reassert the value of such undervalued ideals as friendship, truth and above all the greatest power of all, LOVE in this increasingly hopeless world of depressed, over-driven people who have no time for love...

all in all i can't wait to sit back, put on my reading glasses and surrender myself to this fantastic potion of love, hope and mystery J.K.Rowling has brewed for us...
ITS MAGIC TIME!!!

why talent shows are useless

I recently came across an interesting post by Soup called
"talenting the hunt" about the latest crop of talent shows we see
populating practically every channel on cable TV...

Well i certainly could not agree more with her
These shows are absolutely nothing but a big waste of time

The participants use everything from poor financial backgrounds
to hopeless love stories...
from sore throats to ill parents to gain the sympathy and votes of the audience...
because thats what its all about...THE VOTES...
and talent just gets lost and forgotten along the way...
recently one such tactic caught my attention for its humor value
if nothing else...on one such show we had the host telling the
audience how the father of one the contestants being an astrologer
had predicted that his son would not make it in the field of singing
and so he was here to prove his father's prophesy false and so we
the audience was called upon to make his dream of proving his father
wrong come true...well i most certainly have never heard a more convincing
reason for voting for some one...pun intended

this is not all...

if we have the contestants baring their souls to pull at our
heartstrings...
then on the other hand, the judges leave no stone unturned to keep
the drama alive with strange antics walkouts and filmi dialogs
to keep the TRP ratings high and to reestablish their own
public standing...we have some being father and mother figures
complete with bonding dancing and tears which seem to demand the
least provocation to fall..they even sensationalize their prodigies'
so called private lives by hinting at possible linkups between the
contestants thrown together or even the hosts themselves...

and then, we also have those judges who go the other extreme and be
nasty enough to put the most notorious dictators to shame
they reduce the contestants to tears fight with the co-judges and
through some heavy-duty dialogs, enough to inspire any script writer
of drama movies, make it pretty clear that their loyalty
is only to talent and they settle for nothing short of perfection
and so on and so forth...they make you hate them hence you watch
them...well its all about being famous,
who cares if it has an in- prefixed to it...

Well so on and so forth the drama continues...but do these shows
actually have an audience and if so do they really serve their purpose
of being talent hunts??

Does anyone really watch to judge or even enjoy the talent of these
contestants?

I think not...

the only reason these programs are watched if at all is for their drama value

As the number of these shows has multiplied, the craze for them among
the audience has plummeted and the competition among the various
channels for viewer ship has led to the above mentioned tactics...

and what is the result??

the result is a circus with the innocent contestants as the jokers
their dreams their careers their emotions being played with
and what for but a few days of fame...because thats all it is about
no matter how many dreams of becoming the next superstar
of ever-enduring fame are shown to them the truth remains that once
the show is over nobody remembers the winners any more than
the also-rans

all they win is a car some bucks and an embarrassing oblivion...

and what worse fate can be than being in the limelight one day...
the toast of the nation...and an unknown the next...
They are left alone to deal with the loss of faith self-esteem and the shattered pieces of their precious dreams...

to savor the bitter taste of a Defeated Victory...

serious desperate crap!!!

Well, ever since i came home for my holidays...life has been one lazy
ride..

My schedule includes:-

-waking up at ten with my mom screaming something about not even
making my bed in time

-eating a large breakfast

-watching tv till my mom switches it off and literally throws me
into the bathroom

-watching some more tv till its time for lunch...

-eating a heavy lunch (the reason i don't fit into my jeans anymore)

-fighting with my sister over everything from the remote to the lappi
to why she keeps pulling my cheeks etc...

-dozing off in the afternoon like a ninety year old

-using the internet on my lappi(when i manage to wrestle it fro my sister)

-writing useless posts in my blog and if even that dries up then browsing
through blog templates just to pass time

-chatting with old pals about the same good old boredom every day

-staring at the ceiling planning everything from next years vacations
to my cousins wedding, contemplating the most imaginative ways of
committing suicide or working out what i could have been if not a dumb
engineer in the making(a career i already detest)

-well then its time for dinner...
and after that is my favorite time of the day...my walk when i get
some solitude and listen to all those old songs and himesh hits
the 4 fm channels we get here play...
which gets me thinking if himesh with his nasal twang cap and
stubble could be the reigning rock star what i need to come up with
to make it big...

-well its time to drop off to sleep again

I think boredom kills you slowly..as my friend put it...we are on our
own extended funerals..

i know what i have written absolute crap here but as i said this is
my only salvation and if i don't get anything else to do i might
turn into a compulsive writer soon...

desperado..::SIGH::