officially out of hell

Its been a long long time since I wrote here. This place has been my white queendom.
The place where I poured out all the stark white depression of my life. My hell.
This is the place which let me heal my deepest wounds. This is also the place where I shared my joys and highs. But at one point I realized the muck I had let out here was beginning to stick to me and I felt a need to get away. A need to let go of the past, the pain the sorrow, a need to be born anew. So, in one stroke, I left. Left for a new untainted beginning. Left for a place where there was no pain. I moved towards a transformation.
Yet a tie had remained.
Today, a year to the day I started this place, which became the core of my existence, I officially wrap up this bundle for good.
I am officially closing my blog.
I feel a lot of things...

A sense of joy for having gotten over my past.
A sense of loss for putting a final lid over some of the most honest emotions I have ever let out.
A sense of gratitude for the wonderful friends I found through this space and the support I got from them...

But I must not linger now.

my dear kingdom of white white sand..
I bid you one final goodbye..
don't let time blow away the prints I have left..
don't let my silent whispers die..

Budday report!!

Ok folks I promise this is my last budday related post till next year.. so please bear with me :D

anyway, all i wanted to say is that it was the best budday I have had till date.. full of more surprises than I could count.. A BIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIG thank you to all my wonderful friends both in the real and virtual world who made my day sooooo special.
Non-stop phone calls.. two surprise cakes(and yes 1 was a delicious yummy truffle)... very pretty surprise cards.. balloons hand painted with loving words from friends.. a satin rose.. a hand made glass painting with a dolphin :sigh: ... real cute earrings.. a wonderful surprise gift all the way from a friend in pune.. a cute soft heart.. the most beautiful bunch of 5 roses ever as a wake up gift.. a pink muffler and matching pink slippers from my best friend and a surprise clean up of my big messy room..
phew!! no there is more.. my friend Ankit Jain, wrote a beautiful poem in hindi just for me and gifted it to me on my budday. And my life long friend, suni di, who is among the few people who probably knows me a lot better than I know myself wrote a beautiful poem too as a gift.
The top 5 testimonials on my orkut profile are, yes you guessed it right, they are surprise budday gifts that actually made me cry with their sweetness. If any of you want to have a look here's the link to my orkut profile
and yes how can I forget the wonderful mails and the card that maverick made for me in paint that was soooooooo sweet and yes vandy.. i loved your ecard..
and it wasn't just the surprises that made me feel so special.. it was all the effort that all my buddies put into making my day so special.. singing, dancing, loving me and just making me feel like a real princess... Thanks everybody it really spoke volumes about how much I am loved and cared for :)

By the way, I am posting Ankit and Suni di's poems here and also some of the pictures.. hope you guys enjoy reading them as much as I loved receiving them..

Ankit's Poem :
मुस्कराहट ने हँसी का जाम भेजा है,तारो ने आस्मान से सलाम भेजा है,
मुबारक हो आपको जनम दिन,तहे-दिल से हमने ये पैगाम भेजा है.
दुआ है की कामयाबी के हर सिखर पे आप का नाम होगा,
आपके हर कदम पर दुनिया का सलाम होगा,
हिमत से मुश्किलों का सामना करना हमारी दुआ है की वक्त
भी एक दिन आपका गुलाम होगा.
दुआ करते है यही खुदा से,
आपकी जिन्दिगी में कोई गम न हो,
जन्मदिन पेर मिले हजारो खुशियाँ,
चाहे उनमे शामिल हम न हो.

खाविस्हें तमाम तुम्हारे पूरी हो,खुशियों से तुम हमेशा आबाद रहो,
खुदा सलामत रखे तुम्हे हमेशा,सालों साल तुम यूँही जीते रहो,
किसी अनछुए गम की भी परछाई न हो,सब तुम्हे आते जाते करे सलाम ऐसा तुम्हारा नाम हो. जन्मदिन मुबारक हो.


Suni di's poem :
She opened her eyes
to a world of fairies,
dancing mermaids and
never ending magic..
Pure and innocent..
She was God's little Angel.

She sailed across the seas
playing with dolphins,
making castles in the sand and
marking her territory..
Ever exuberant..
She was God's little Angel.

She made friends out of strangers
with her delightful smile,
leaving them overjoyed and
enamored with her innocence..
lovingly flamboyant..
She was God's little Angel.

She was met instead with a
world of unkindness,
which broke her heart and
laughed at its pieces..
Aching to be loved..
She was God's little Angel.

She shed many an unseen tears
over her shattered dreams,
But she embellished in her pain and
wrote beautiful poetry..
aloof yet alluring..
She was God's little Angel.

She sure wasn't the kind
to drown in self pity,
who could give up on life and
kill the love she had inside..
knowing and determined..
She was God's little Angel.

So she gathered her clipped wings
tended them with care,
Lifted her chin up and
slowly started to fly again..
scared yet impassioned..
She was God's little Angel.

And now she still spreads love
wherever she goes,
rubbing off her charm on others and
touching lives of everyone..
She sure has a magic wand..
For she is God's little Angel.

And here are some of the pictures:

My cakes:



Maverick's gift:
Gifts!!! :

Love hugs and kisses

#Queen Bee#

PS: by the way my new profile picture is the temporary queen bee tattoo that I got on my ankle in goa :D

On a fluffy green cloud

She was lying on her belly, alone in her little spot of sunshine, next to where the two hedges met. It was her tiny kingdom, secluded from the rest of the world by the earphones that were plugged into her ears. Her long black hair fell all around her, forming a veil from prying eyes.
A book lay open before her, its pages rippling in the light breeze, as she lay there day dreaming, wrapped in the soothing warmth of sun's golden blanket.
An empty bottle of dew stood next to her crumpled green bag, shining like a wizard's emerald staff.
The few drops she had spilled were glittering still, like a magical potion on earth's soft green carpet.
One leg was raised up in the air, dancing a ballet in time to the rhythm of Enrique crooning "I can be your hero baby...". One big toe reached down to slide up the other leg, while the other lay knotted in the grass, playing with its tiny green tentacles, as they tickled her till she giggled...
The shadows from a near by tree creeped in, waging a silent war against the sun's warm rays, slowly gaining ground as they gobbled up her little kingdom.
But she was not worried. She knew that by the time they reach her, she would be long gone, and tomorrow, when she returned, the sun would have again swept back the black tendrils from her little spot by the hedge.
So she looked up at the tree and its big violet flowers and smiled as if greeting a long lost friend.

The song ended.. the sounds from without came crashing in ...
the shouts of the guys playing football on the other side of the hedge..
the giggling girls..
the crooning love birds..
and then it was Bryan Adams talking about that place "where angels fear to tread...", and she was back in her bubble, like a veil blown up by a sudden gust of wind and slowly fluttering back in place...
She raised her hand to her hair, and flinched, she hadn't realized how hot her hair had gotten in the sun's upside down furnace.
She closed her eyes and smiled, in spite of herself, resting her head on her hands, as they covered the yellowed pages of the book she had barely read... content.. soothed.. fulfilled..
soaking in these few minutes of heaven and stars in the sun, rising up on a fluffy green cloud... before she had to step off it, back into the screaming conspiring world where she had to live, but where she never belonged..

#Queen Bee#

PS: hey folks! I had an absolutely rocking budday and I really want to write about it, but I am sure all of you are a little fed up of reading about nothing else, so here is this little piece I wrote while lying alone in a back garden of my college canteen.. hope u enjoy it.. a full report of my big day is up next in a day or two.. till then its hugs kisses and buzzes from the queen bee adios :)

Mera budday aa gaya!!!! :D :D :D

yes yes yes.. just three hours to go.. the preparations have begun...
Got my unruly hair temporarily straighted in the evening :D :D :D
Got teased by 3 guys while walking back to the hostel :( :( :( ,
I don't know what my friends have in store for me, I have a feeling they have something really scary planned for me, last to last budday they pretended to be disinterested and all and didnt even get a cake and left me alone and made me cry and then surprised me with a rocking party half an hour late :D
Two of my friends have already wished me.. one by mistake(after all my reminders she actually managed to confuse it with 16th Grrhhhhhhh...!!) and the other one 'coz he won't be able to meet me tomorrow..
I have my digicam all charged and emptied.. after all its my last budday in college fotos-shotos to honi chiye :D..
The sea-green kurta I am wearing tomorrow is all crisp and tidy..
And my orkut status message reads : "mera budday aa gaya!!!! its my day 2mrw and i am the queen"

:sigh:
can't believe i am actually turning 21... not that I have any intention of growing up or letting go of my childish ways :D, but still, its a strange feeling, its like things are changing, so many old days kissing the sea like an orange sunset.. so many new surprises growing into a dawn..
new privileges new responsibilities.. as one friend pointed out.. I'll be eligible to stand for prime minister.. God save this nation if I ever decide to
exercise that right :D

any way coming back to the point.. mera budday aa gaya!!! :D :D :D
time for masti fun and loads of memories... with all these wonderful people around me and all the love they lavish on me.. it could be nothing short of special, bilkul queen bee style

and a biiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiig thank you to all those people who read my blog and have already poured in their wishes
guys u have no idea how much this space and you mean to me..

Loads of special wala hugs kisses and buzzzes
love,

#queen bee#

Tryst with the sea..

The sand looked inviting, the white foam at peace,
as it came out to touch me, it was soft as fleece.

I saw the satin ribbons, disappear beneath my feet,
i saw myself through the eyes, of the ocean's wild fleet.

The sand the salt the warmth, the flowing cold,
they washed over me as I waded deeper, stronger, feeling bold.

A shiver of doubt, a moment of fear,
as the ocean claimed me, the green got near.

A spluttered breath, a useless struggle
a liquid scream, a solid gurgle.

and then.. then silence

The silence that only the thunderous sea holds,
as the waves crushed my ears, in a million folds.

The salt balmed my smoldering wounds,
the air rushed out, like chased hounds.

I was helpless, floating, defeated, tossed around,
and yet, never a sweeter victory had i ever found.

As i surrendered myself to the mercy of the sea,
I finally tasted the freedom that eluded me..
I finally tasted the freedom that eluded me..


PS: buzz buzz everyone.. the queen bee is back from her little break.. back from sun and sea.. back into the payjama clad, quilt covered, shivering world of Delhi..
sorry i am in a bit of a hurry today, have two tests snarling at me and haven't even started studying.. will be back tomorrow evening with a good sniff of the sea..

till then its hugs kisses and buzzes all the way..

#Queen Bee#

PPS: and by the way.. "MERA BUDDAY BAS AA HI GAYA!!! YUHOOOO!!!" :D :D :D

Loser's Plight

As I had promised, I looked through my old diaries and dug out the poem that was the inspiration behind the one i posted a few days ago, under the title, Loser's song
I had written the original some 4-5 years ago and am posting it below...

Tears of misery have flown past
but none have stopped to give a look,
to the eyes of the loser who came last.
only he, who the crown took,
is heeded with joy and fanfare
as those who lay on the dust defeated,
are condemned and bound to only stare.
But, is there a value of the victor,
without the presence of a loser's sector?
Is it not a ghastly sin,
to spit at those who could not win?
But this, Alas! is the human way,
that losers have no right to play,
and to tell what they had come to say..
and to tell what they had come to say!!

I found a lot of other interesting stuff in those old diaries, can't believe I had written all that stuff all those years ago and then had given up writing altogether for more than three years, before starting again with this blog.
How had I even been alive without writing all those years?? It was like i just couldn't do it anymore, may be it was just the pressure of coming to college.. hostel.. friends.. foes.. life.. :sigh:

Anyway, I am writing again and its a true blessing.. God nothing else in the world gives me more pleasure...
By the way, might post some of the other stuff from the diaries some other day... :)

For now, I just hope you enjoy this one.

Take care

#queen bee# :)

Dilli ab door nahi!! :D

Hello everybody!

Its February, and its that time of the year again..

Flowers.. Chocolates.. Truffle cake.. Gifts.. Partying.. Surprises.. aaah.. mmmmm... :sigh: :sigh:

No, I was not talking about the much hyped Valentine's Day
I don't really see much logic behind raising such a hue and cry over it..
I mean come to think of it,

For people in love, every day is a Valentine's day..
and for people not in love (like me!!), Valentine's day is just another day..
so what's the rush about eh?

Anyway, what i was talking about was my Big day bole to mera BUDDAY!!!, which falls on 17th of February, and I can barely contain my excitement. For those, who don't know me personally, and have been spared the torture of being reminded everyday of the coming event :D,
I am about the only person you'll find who gets sooooooo excited about her b'day..

My friends tell me that I am worse than a kid, to find out why..well, just read on.. :

Since December, every time I meet someone, and i mean anyone... my friends, their parents, bf's, gf's, grand parents, aunts, uncles etc. etc... I manage to somehow steer the conversation towards the fact that my b'day is coming!!

I have given in to shocking everyone, by exclaiming in the middle of a studying/sleeping/crying/laughing/
whatever-else-its-possible-for-a-room-full-of-people-to-do room, something like
"mera b'day ane wala hai!!! yippiiieee!!!"

Every time we are in the middle of celebrating anyone's B'day, I have an uncanny habit of bringing up my b'day again with a "mera b'day ane wala hai!!! yippiiieee!!!" and a worse still ,"mere budday pe to hum ye karenge, mere budday pe to hum wo karenge"

I keep reminding all my friends that my favourite flavour in cake is chocolate truffle, and if they dare get anything else for my b'day.. well they are dead

I have been hounding my friends to get their minds to work, and to start planning my budday and have been threatening them to either come up with some biiiiiiiiig surprise and something really special and imaginative, or else.. GRHHH..!!..

I spent one whole night looking for a good b'day counter for my blog and put this one up a few days ago for the whole world to see.

I got scolded by the warden recently for scribbling on my room's wall.. I am sure you would have guessed what the inscription read, yes you were right, it was "Umang's B'day-- 17th February :D"

and the list continues.. and now that its coming closer, I can hardly sit for a minute without fantasizing about it.. :sigh: :sigh: ..
I am going to get my hair straightened.. get a brand new dress .. hang out with my friends.. get loads of snaps clicked.. and just be a princess :D :D :D

By the way what triggered this post was the fact that it was my friend's b'day today and we all went to Select City Walk in Saket.. it was awesome to say the least.. we all had a blast.. sat in one of these tent like things on the terrace, put cake all over the b'day boy's face, complete with a red cherry on his nose(a lady walking past our tent actually got her baby daughter to come and look at him, telling her that he was a clown.. after that we had kids peeking into our tent every few minutes trying to catch a glimpse of the "clown" :D :D), had some great food, though the chilly chicken was way below par(well u can't have everything now, can u??), did loads of window shopping :D and finished it off with pics next to the wonderful fountains..
aaah and yes how can i forget the whole group singing off key at the top of our voices all the way back to the hostel..
in one sentence.. "it was pure undiluted FUN!!.."
I hope my budday is just as much fun.. hehe..

Phew!!! now that's what I call a really long, really vella post.. but who cares?? I am happy today and vaise bhi.. "mera budday ane wala hai!!!!" ;) :D :D :D

love, luck, loads of hugs kisses and buzzes!!

#queen bee# :D :D

PS: By the way I love surprises, am a real sucker for imaginative ones, so if any one of you want to give me some.. i would love it!! hehe.. see there i go again :D

A Lover.. or..

I saw you winking down at me,
enticing tempting scaring me..
With a twinkle of your eye,
you seemed to invite me to fly..
You promised to give me the ride of my life,
comfort and pleasure and freedom from all strife..
Zooming up zipping around,
dipping in and out of every cloud..
The symphony of your voice i could hear,
clearer every second as you drew near..
With a mischievous grin and a teasing whistle,
you left my senses in a tussle..
Alas! your speed soon took you out of my sight,
gone you were in a jiffy, my airplane in the night..




love luck hugs and looooooooads of kisses *muaah* *muaah*

and yes of course a truck full of buzzzzzzzesssss!!!

#queen bee# :D :D :D

PS: will surely reply to all the comments of that depressing post i wrote yesterday.. but today i really am neither in the mood nor do i have time.. please bear with me :D

FRUSTRATION!!!

. . .

A Loser's Song

What do you, who raise your victory staff,

know of those bodies lying in a sacrificed stack

What do you, who stand with their heads held high,

know of the shame of a broken bac

What do you, who shed winning tears for the tabloid shots,

know of the strength behind a loser's plight

What do you, who have songs sung in their wake,

know of the weight of walking an anonymous mile

What do you, whose love is cherished and trust true,

know of a broken heart and a bleeding trust

What do you, who stand to receive your medals,

know of a dream amidst sweat and dust

lost

What do you, who call yourselves the mighty winners,

know of the piteous moans of a dying ego

What do you, who have never known loss,

know of the chained freedom of letting go...

PS: i had written a poem on similar lines years ago on some scrap of paper from the back of my school register.. from what i remember of it.. i think it was much better than this one.. so i plan to look for it.. if i am lucky i might find it yellowing in some old diary.. would post it here if i find it.. till then i hope you like this one..

take care

*hugs*

#queenbee#

Hatke tag!

Gonecase had tagged me a few centuries back with this really innovative tag.. but at the time i was in the middle of my exams and later on , well, forgive me, but i forgot...

but now that i have finally managed to remember it, here goes

I had to chose from all the pictures i have ever clicked, two of my best or favourite shots
I am sorry I couldn't decide on just two so i have bent the rules and have chosen 4 instead
and i don't know about the best... but these are pictures that had said something to me..

took this from a moving Haryana Roadways bus with my cell.. would like to call it
"STILL SPEED"

I don't know why but something about this man's face fascinated me.. again one i clicked in a haryana roadways bus.. i actually spent 1 and a half hour trying to get a full shot of this face without drawing attention to myself and finally managed this one.. i would like to name it "LIFE"

This is a leaf i saw in my hostel garden and it looked more like a heart to me.. a heart on the ground waiting for its fate.. to be crushed under ignorant feet or picked up and cherished among the pages of some well loved diary.. "THE HEART ON THE GROUND.." i would call it

Doesn't it look like the trees getting reflected in a still stream?
well, the dividing bank happens to be the line in the middle of a bus's window.. and that's no reflection... i would like to name it "FALSE REFLECTIONS"

phew!! that was some tough choice.. hope you liked it as much as i did :)

take care
#queen bee# buzz buzz :D

life-clips...

Its strange how it is the little things that can make us fly and also the littlest of things that can take the wind out of our sails..

forever [PART-1]

Its strange how we just see people all our lives without ever wondering where they came from or where they were going..
We take it for granted that the next time we walk in the door, they would be there, doing the dishes or drying the laundry, like they had for as long as you can remember.

Its like that old classic chair in the corner of the sitting room;
it was there when you started to learn how to crawl;

it was there when you were sent off screaming to nursery school;

it was right there in its corner, when you walked in screaming with your first prize;

it was still there when you packed your bags and swaggered off to college with that smug look on your face and those stars in your eyes, telling the world, here I come to beat the hell out of you!!

And every time you come back for a vacation, a little more beaten, a little more hopeless, with a few more stars fizzled out from your eyes, it lay right there.

May be, a little more thread-worn a little bit more dusty, the paint on it paws a little more chipped, the polish a wee bit duller, but it was there…still stagnant silent..but forever

And then you walk in one cold January weekend, wheezing from a bad case of viral, still not really over the nightmare of a, not unusually, bad set of semester exams, only to find a shining new leather recliner in place of the old chair.

Turns out, forever just ended.. (to be continued..)

PS: This is actually a long work in progress, impossible to wrap up in a single post, therefore i am going to post it in parts, one part everytime i write, something like a series.
yes, i promise to continue this one unlike another such post, whose second part i never really got round to wrting, so do wait for the next part :D
take care
#queen bee# :)

Boredom

what is boredom?

is it when u crave for company every second of the day
and can't stand people for more than two minutes at a stretch?

is it when you can't wait for the class to get over
and actually curse the college 'coz they gave you a half day?

is it when you pick up a book you have been dying to read for almost a month
and look for the smallest excuse to put it down?

is it when you go off for a walk by yourself to feel refreshed
and actually come back feeling even more tired in both body and soul?

is it when you have 10 movies to chose from
and end up not watching any 'coz u just couldn't make up your mind?

is it when you have been looking forward to your friend's big b'day bash for days
and the night before lie about some important engagement so you won't have to go?

is it when you log in to gtalk to wile away your time
and end up saying brb to everybody just to hide the fact that you have nothing to say?

is it when you spend an hour digging in the computer for your favourite songs
and turn off the playlist in the middle of the very first song?

is it when you fight with your roomie to turn off the light at nine so you can sleep
and end up lying in bed till 5 in the morning trying to find a way around your insomnia?

is it when you make exorbitant plans for your life to pass time
and can't think of three good reason why you should be alive?

is it when you have fought for freedom all your life
and can't bear the desolation it actually brought?

if it is....then it seems that i am suffering from an advanced case of boredom