Puppy love :)

As i walked back to the hostel a few days back the sight that greeted me was beyond words...in the dry, partially open drain, opposite my hostel gate, where we usually see nothing but useless human litter, was a beautiful litter of puppies..that was enough to raise any broken spirit anew :)

Their pure innocence just stole my heart away and i couldn't stop myself from forgetting about every sound advice my mom had ever given me about staying away from stray dogs(pups), and just ran to them..of course they got dead scared of this huge hulking mass that seemed to come barging their way...so off they went skittering under the little stone covering..

but i couldn't stop myself from bending down and crooning at them...trying to get them to come out
they just retreated back a little and stared at me with such innocent puppy eyes..i am really bereft of words to describe the feeling it invoked in me...
i kept calling them out slowly..gently extended my hand into their little cave

it took a while, but then the boldest of them slowly came forward and took one tiny little sniff at my hand followed by an experimental lick...i didn't move and that did it..i had passed the test.. and within seconds was soon buried under 5 pairs of eager paws and happily licking tongues :D

it was such a wonderful feeling...for once, i don't have the words to put it into..i'll just let the pictures speak :)

once again..i am exuberant tonight...

i am flying high
high high..
as the highest sky
reaching out for that elusive star
falling through that rain drenched cloud
catching a wiff of the wind in my hair
smelling the sweet scents of newly wet clay
higher and higher i rise in the sky
playing in the air like that colourful kite
twisting and turning with no strings attached
no master to pull me down, no puppeteer to make me dance
i prance around on my own wild tune
whistle and hum my own crazy songs
i am shining tonight with my own dark light
once again...i am exuberant tonight..

#umang# :) :)

Hmmm...2 more 'ME' TAGs eh?

Kindly bear with yet another tag in such quick succession to the last...or rather two tags
i was tagged by sameera and humbl devil with two different tags..
and my apologies for such a late reply..i am really sorry..life u know..just didn't get round to answering these
so, without further ado...i am going to reply to both of them in this post...

SAMEERA'S TAG

First up is sameera's tag, which was to mention seven random things about me...
aaaah now this is the kind of tag i love..for those few souls who have been saved the torture of knowing me personally..i love talking about me me me all the time :D
i am my favourite topic in any conversation..uhm uhm
so the seven first things that come to my mind right now are:

1. I love words..i have built my life around and with words..and sometimes i feel that is what i have turned into..a word..just a word..everyone who comes across me has a different interpretation for me..a different meaning..a different view and i am a sum of all these different perceptions..

2. I love people..love knowing them, caring about them and pampering them(and that's not always a very good things it seems..from experience i have discovered that people tend to prefer people who don't give a damn to those who actually care and worry about how they feel..well but i can't quit caring so..)

3. I love traveling and going to new places...my dream is one day go on a road trip all by myself all alone without telling a soul and discovering this world anew on my own..

4. I love to just get lost in random streets when i am looking for myself...discover a new park, nook or corner, i can claim as my own..just sit there munching something..listening to music may be, clicking away and just thinking about the happiness that only i can give myself in moments like these..tranquil.. at peace..and yet bubbling over with thoughts feelings and desires that i am trying to understand and interpret..
telling myself to be strong and to love myself before i expect others to love me..
discovering new things about myself..

5. I love reading..a good book can turn me deaf, mute and blind..sometimes i stop reading the book and start living it..nothing gives me more pleasure than losing myself like that..away away i fly off to lands unknown away from all that i know all that i have seen all that i have lived..its a great high..to cry one moment and laugh the next..to die one second and come alive the next..that is the magic only books have mastered...and no non-reader can ever understand the lure of it

6. I love being pampered and loved..and yet to be set free..to be left to fly..i wish i could be the centre of someone's universe to make someone crazy about me and to feel just as crazily about someone and yet i can never survive in a relation that doesn't give me the space to breathe and have a life of my own...contradictory?? well that's me

7.Aaah last...well I Love writing, blogging scribbling etc...it helps me put into perspective the things i don't even know i am thinking..and the feedback i get is a high in itself..i always write from my heart..as honestly as i can..especially when it comes to my blog..i write all that flows out of me in one go..i sometimes don't even stop to think what i have written..they are not premeditated..the words just flow out as i type..and i post the very first draft..that is why my posts are not all polished and of the highest quality..they are just me..

HUMBLE DEVIL'S TAG:

time for the second tag...
it was something about..the expansion of my middle name..since i don't have any and have to chose one on my own..it will be

CRAZY :D :D :D

i am sure none of u are surprised by my choice nothing else suits me well :D

C: well the C just has to be for "CONTRADICTION" as everything from my profile to my posts show..i am full of contradictions..i am so many different colliding clashing shades rolled together..its hard to say which one will come up in the cauldron next to stain the next sand dune of white sands..i could be that girl sitting in the middle of a group chattering away to glory and guffawing without a care in the world..the twinkle in her eye could only mean adventure is in the air and she is up for it
..and then i could also be the girl sitting alone next to the window in a restaurant sipping her coffee and munching on her hot dog..staring at the people passing by..with a smile playing on her lips..lost in her own world..quiet and at peace..
i could be that girl in the party with perfect manners and etiquettes..the perfect lady
and then i could also be the one jumping around in the mud not giving a damn about my jeans and top..the favourite di of the galli ka bachas..and i could be just so many different girls..even i don't know how many different contradictions i live each day..may be i'll write a post about some more of these one of these nights..till then keep guessing who i could be next :)

R: "ROMANTIC" i am a hopeless one..sweet romance with that innocent honesty and a heavy dose of imagination and u have me on my knees :D i am a sucker for romantic songs, movies, stories and the works you know :)

A: "AQUARIAN" i am a typical crazy, wacky, unpredictable aquarian...
freedom is what i strive for
idealist i am to my very core
honesty is my true belief
friends are people i could die for
dreamer i am of lands unknown
wit and intelligence touch my soul
i am curious and question it all
ignorance could kill me
the unknown calls
i am an aquarian
free as the air
unpredictable to all
i am as much the beauty
as i am the beastly troll


Z: "ZOOM" yes..zoom..i like to see everything in zoomed in mode..be it life people things ..everything..i love observing them and knowing them to the fullest..discussing them with myself..discovering some hidden part of the picture..that's my hobby :)

Y:"YUMMY" hehe..i know strange choice for a definition..but since this is about me it has to have something to do with food..i am a foodie especially when it comes to non-veg i am a die hard non-vegetarian..love trying new dishes..experimenting with what i eat...everything from road side thelas to cool hangouts have me as a patron..the paneer roll wala from the nukkar greets me with just as much pleasure and familiarity as the chic owner of the posh little eat-out near my place..

phew!!! finally done..pretty long post for a tag eh? but nothing shorter could have done justice to them both...
now its my turn to tag..so i tag(with both the tags):

Firewhisky
Reeta Skeeter
Soup
Gonecase
Ashu
Shashi
D Sinner
and to any one else who might want take it up...go ahead people but keep me posted :D
#umang# :)

:O :O :O

I was recently convinced by soup to test my err.. flirting skills..which i was quite sure were way below average(or so i like to believe ;) :D )
so it is not hard to imagine the level of shock and disbelief i felt, when, after painstaking filling out the test form with my characteristic honesty :D , this is the result that stared back at me:

MOCHALISCIOUS FLIRT

Seductive. Naughty. You're like the Mocha Flavour of Bru Cappuccino. You exemplify the rich full-bodied chocolate flavour with the right amount of caffeine intoxication.

Flirting to you is second nature. You're a predator in the game of flirting. You're straightforward in your approach and don't wait around for the occasion to arise. You create them! You take charge of situations using more actions than words. You are confident and it shows in the way you carry yourself as well as your mannerisms. You are definitely an eye-turner and have this energy that excites and draws the others closer!

all i could do was stare at the screen in awe and dumbfounded shock...

super flirt?? me?? aise kaise??

i mean..

i agree,

i love using my imagination when talking to people...

love playing sassy mind games.. but then doesn't everyone???

love having a little fun when the other person is witty enough..

love pulling peoples' legs..

aaaah and how can i forget my million dollar smile that i turn on every time i reaalllly want something?? :) :)

but that doesn't mean i am a flirt!!!

I am just a sweet little 20 year old who loves to have some fun..that is not flirting haina??

*looks around innocently from under her lashes*

naah they definitely got it all wrong ;) :D

what say?? u agree right??

and to add a little more flavour to this cuppa..read ahead for my err..Flirt Profile :D :D :D

The friendly flirt

Friendship is very important to the Aquarians so they tend to get a little mixed up when they are flirting. Be careful Aquarians that you don't give the wrong signs to the one you are focusing on. Mixed messages are easy to give when you're flirting. A shrug of the shoulders can mean you are not interested, but if at the same time you're giving them that warm and engaging smile then they won't know what to think.

well, all those who know me are invited to leave behind their take on this in the Plashes (comments) section..and those who don't know me..well they are most welcome to find out and then leave their views here ;) ;)

FMORT!!!

I recently got tagged by supriya and firewhisky (sorry for the late reply people..had it written at the back of my register for days, just didn't get around to posting it..what with my net conn, which seems to be waiting for me to just click the 'new post' button, to get zonked..or my register which got lost thrice in two days..or my friends-in-need who, every time, manage to ping me at precisely the moment that i decide to finally post this..and the list of hindrances just goes on.. :D but today after many pings and many zonkings :D i finally managed to put it up phew!!! )

so here goes..

i had to write five minutes of random thoughts...and i thought what better place to document random thoughts than in class 'coz that's the place all my thoughts are full of..well..randomness, at its best :D :D :D

i am sure every err not-so-sincere student would agree with me about this...everything from day dreams to abusing unbearably torturous teachers, from latest crushes :sigh: :sigh: uhm uhm..to planning upcoming blog posts (which never get written by the way :| )
from drooling absent mindedly, thinking of Rahul Khanna (mmmmm...,who was one of my first crushes as an MTV VJ ,and with whom i fell in love with all over againwhen i read his marvelous blog on intenblog) to feeling all frustoo thinking about life..what else are lectures for eh?

So to catch on paper some of those birdies zipping through my head..i wrote this in my Neural Networks(NN) lecture, which is one subject about which in particular i have absolutely no clue...hope u enjoy it.. :)

0:00
Random thoughts..hmm..
sitting in the NN class..
ma'am has just finished some topic called "linear associator" or something..who cares what a piece of crap..i am sure even she didn't understand half of it..all she does is, cram it up and spit it out here rattu tota..why the hell is she staring at me anyway..Grrrrrhhhhhh..and could someone tell her how to dress up..she is looking like a sunflower..a sunflower with double standards at that..look at the way she is simpering at Vivek arora and looking daggers at me hmph!!
no wonder that tubelight over her head is flickering so much..negative vibes eh :D :D :D

<yawn>

God i am feeling so sleepy..i wish i could have bunked and slept..but this God foresaken attendance its already so short watt lagi padi hai :'( :'(

<yawn>

why did i have to be up all night reading Rahul Khanna's blog?? :sigh: how can an actor be so damn good with words :sigh: and so damn cute :sigh: :sigh: :sigh:

shit!!!

why the hell is she coming this way..what if she demands to read it..thank God time's up!!..band karo register umang banddddd!!!!

05:00

phew!! well, i managed to stow it away just in time though she kept giving me suspicious looks throughout the rest of the lecture
bachh gai!! :) :) :D :D

I tag:
Gonecase
Maverick
Abhushek Sahay
Nikhil Kulkarni
Tabz
Sunila
and anyone else who might want to take it up :)
take care

#umang# :)

So what is FMORT?

FMORT stands for Five Minutes of Random Thoughts. It is a byproduct of a wild whim that played in my mind during one of my day dreaming sessions. In an attempt to bring something productive out of it, I thought of giving it a shape. It is fun to read what people think, when they are asked to think for five minutes of allotted time.

Steps to follow:

Get an alarm/stop watch, piece of paper, pen.
Set the alarm to ring 5 minutes 10 secs later.
Take deep breath for 10 secs.
Now, set your mind free.
Scribble whatever comes to your mind on the paper for 5 minutes.
After 5 minutes, tweak the scribbles into meaningful sentences.
Post it to your blog.
The title should be, "My FMORT".
Dont expand FMORT in the title as the purpose is to popularize FMORT.
The first line should read, "I am tagged by XYZ", where XYZ should be the name of the blog who asked you to tag and link XYZ to the post.
Then ask a fellow blogger to do the same and link to your post.
Now sit back and relax.
You would be amazed at the speed with which FMORT spreads.
And you will be one link of the long chain on Internet.

Short sabbatical it was...but worth every minute :)

Well, not much of a sabbatical it was..was it?? :)
a mere three days..yes...but a mere three days sometimes make
such a big difference to everything

by the way, let me warn you before hand..this post is
entirely without my characteristic word plays and poetic
twists..
so those who read my blog for my abstract posts and pain
drenched notes..
well, this might be a bit of a disappointment

for a change i just want to write something simple and direct :)
well where do i start
ah yes..why am i back so soon
have i already found myself
NO
i am still looking..but i think i am on the right track, finally!! :)

life had been..err..well..a little too dead these last few months..

but now i am resuscitating it..trying to get back to being that
not so serious, fun to chat with, up for any adventure,
sometimes bitchy, sometimes crappy, often insane, romantic
idiot, who had once smiled back at me from the mirror...

well i have decided life has been manhandling me long enough..
but just like every dog..(*err bitch :D ) has her day..
its my time..to show life what i can do in return..
so i am all set to kick life back into shape..

time to show it, i can be happy carefree and exuberant without
any help from it :)

i am rekindling my curiosity..reviving my spirit

i have my lessons too.. still love people..still start caring for
everyone i talk to..but i don't trust that easily anymore..
i might still be a romantic..
but i know i won't give my heart away too easily this time round..
i am more careful now..don't believe every word
said to me anymore

i am scarred and have knelt and been defeated and hav
bitten the dust..
but i am rising again..all set to get up..dust the grime off
and walk away, proud of my scars..proud to have put up a fight..
and ready for more..

yes, i am trying to be umang again..not that moping depressed
sallow creature..who had no self respect..a mere beggar...
a defeated soul..a scatter brain..
who had nothing to think about except her losses..
nothing to write about except piteous poems and odes to what
had been or could have been..who had forgotten what it was like
to be curious about life again..to question again..
to laugh without fearing the impending tears..

so these last three days i have been rediscovering what it is like,
to wander the streets alone..looking at houses in the lane and
imagining what mine would look like one day..

getting lost on purpose..just to find some new park or street or
unknown haunt, where i can sit unnoticed, eating a red pack
of bingo mad angles coupled with a coke and accompanied
by my favourite songs, blocking out every unwanted sound
or thought, playing on my faithful cellphone mah red and white
nokia 5300 (muuuah!!)

unravelling again the joy of clicking away like crazy with my phone's
camera.. everything from twisted trees to puppy litters..from fallen
leaves to kids sitting on their balconies

re-experiencing what it is like to turn around and look at the
little street child laying with a broken tire by the dusty road
in front of the construction site, where his mother probably laboured..
to smile at him and to feel your heart lift with amazement and joy
(comparable, in a less sensual way, to the kind of ecstasy you feel
when you dip your spoon into the pure dark chocolate sauce at the
bottom of Haldiram's HCF and put it slowly in your mouth..feeling
the soft sweetness with just that right tint of tempting bitterness..
invading the privacy ofevery hidden dark corner of your mouth
teasing you and making you go mmm...:sighhhhhhhhh:
uhm uhm..coming back to the topic..), when he smiles back at you
and waves with a grin on his face and vulnerability in those
innocent puppy eyes..

reliving the pleasure of standing on the bed with my eyes closed
and jumping..(err dancing :D) away to glory

and i don't know so much more..i am trying again to live life
in moments..
a smile here a guffaw there..a tear forgotten..drowned in swirls
of laughter..
that's life..

moments..memories..lessons..mistakes..experience..innocence..
reality..dreams..
and i am ready to live them all again :)

away..

I am going away for a while..away from everything
i need a break from all that's familiar
yes..even this..my world my kingdom my hell
i don't know when I'll be back..
could be tomorrow..the day after..the week after..or may be never
i don't know
not a thing
not what i am feeling
not what is going on around me or within me
not how i am reacting or how i should
not what i am writing or why
nothing

so i am off..to sit alone on some lonely bridge to trudge unnoticed on some lonely path
try to get back the connection with myself..to get back to being alone yet not lonely..to find myself again..

my solitude calls..take care

Dark blanket

This is in reply to a post by Neel titled "The Dark One"
his poem is the inspiration behind mine..i know it doesn't hold a candle to his work..but something told me i must put it here..

silent night
soothing night
away from the harsh lights
of truth and reality..
so hard to accept

in the blanket of darkness
i lie warm and soft
away from the freezing cold..
of the frozen white sun

d light ignites me
like a torch..i burn out

knowledge will kill me
ignorance is my bliss
in ignorance i shall win
lying bleeding on the ground

'coz in the dark i won't see
the blood gushing out
from the wounds i no longer feel..

just a new pain

lost amidst so many before..

silent night
soothing night
take me in your blanket
and smother me tonight
rise no more
may i, to burn under the cold sun
sleep may i forever
in the warmth of your soft cradle..

Still..Stagnant..Lost..Dead

Still
Stagnant
Lost
Dead

Last night i died again
killed by the same sword as before

Pierced
Defeated
Helpless
Damned

On the ground i see myself bleeding
the red turning to black in the gorging mud
Lost in dust it flows.. Unnoticed.. Unfelt.. Unmourned

Empty
Slaughtered
Neglected
Strewn

Punished for sins i never committed
Doomed to burn in this eternal fire of persecution
Slain by my God.. my Angel.. my Guardian

Stoned
Blacked out
Bound
Buried

Wings clipped anew
Crashed before I could fly
Burnt to cinders by this cold sun
Frozen to stone by this unforgiving earth

Back to the end
Back to no-escape
Unable to lock away, my doomed chest

End..end..this pain shall never
killing me again and again
sucking out my breath

Locking me in time
unable to move on

No answer
One question

that haunts me forever
bound in mid-stride
I am..

Still
Stagnant
Lost
Dead

Crumpled wings...

She sat alone on the floor of her attic, oblivious to the swirls of dust and layers of cobwebs that seemed to engulf all, around her.
The single candle, guttering by her side, gave this dark hole a surreal view.

She sat in the shadow, a creature of this nether world..

bent..haggard..a lost shadow..tired and hopeless, she sat, looking at the timeworn chest with the rusty heavy padlock on it.that lay on the ground next to her

She sat motionless for a long time, wondering, what use it would be to unlock this chest after so long, what use to look at her treasure trove..her rusty collection of the past.

Something within her had died forever and that day she had locked this trunk and left it to rust here never to be opened again..

Then why had she come back to this room?
Why was she sitting here, amidst scratching rats and raining spiders, looking at her damn past?

She didn't know..

may be the only way she could make it stop haunting her was to set it free
the only way to get away was to accept it with open arms

so, slowly, she took the old unused key from around her neck, where it was held always, with a pink satin ribbon, lying next to where her heart had once beaten..

and she put the key in the heavy lock and turned it

the lock screamed, resisting this alien being..then finally let go and turned to reveal, what she had so dreaded to see

lying inside, was her heart, shriveled and dead..small..shrunken..bereft of the love that had once made it tick

below it were the flowers of her desires..wilted and dried as the heart that had bore them

just by their side lay her dusty dreams, the ones she had woven with her nibble fingers...soft as the softest silk..with colours so vibrant..they had seemed to flow

all that was left of them were rough beaten rags sucked of colour..a still stagnant white

her fingers moved over lovingly caressing them and putting them aside gently to look at the cracked glass of her once magical mirror

she looked for the beautiful face whose smile had once lighted its confines..the twinkling eyes that had added to its shine..but all she found were sunken eyes staring back with tears gone dry and a face so sallow and grey that it seemed little more than the shadow of a corpse

then a soft flutter distracted her..she looked around the room for the source of this commotion..but realized it was coming from the trunk..she wondered what was in that tomb to cause such a sound..she dug her hands in and felt a hesitant movement at the bottom

she removed all that lay above it and stared at it with widened eyes
there at the bottom of that lifeless ensemble lay a pair of broken wings..struggling feebly against the bands that held them down...
yes..the wings that had once been her pride..her companion..her guide..they had taken her beyond the limits of this world..her imagination..her power..that had let her fly..free and unshackled through the sky..before..
before she had fallen..crashed to this unforgiving earth..bound and shattered these wings had been..and she had tossed them along with everything else into her doomed chest..and here they lay before her eyes..

crumpled and discoloured..crippled and broken..mangled beyond recognition..yet..yet alive ..


ans as she saw them straining against their binds..something within her ignited again..
a light..a feeble one..weak yet..but a light nonetheless capable of turning into a torch again

for the first time in ages she felt a soft beat, where her heart had once been..a tiny tremor..a light whistle..of hope..of life
she felt her hands reach out and touch the soft wings..soothing them giving them assurance that they would be whole again

she lifted them out and put them back where they belonged..on her..
and tentatively lifted them..
they ached..they bled..yet they held on..she felt her feet lift again..
she felt the free wizz of air..
she wasn't flying yet..
but in her newly reinstated heart she knew that soon she would..

her tender wings would be powerful again and she would fly off once more, beyond the reach of these shackles, lifting her face up to the free wind and letting it carry her off to the land of silky flowing colours..

The dead rose on my table..

There's a dead rose on my table
withered and burned..

There's a dead rose on my table
bent and forlorn.

Empty of life
a symbol of loss..

Empty of life
a piece of my soul.

Its autumn folds

so silent and dead..

Its autumn folds

so dark and depressed.

A reminder of my mistakes
a breath of my past..

A reminder of my mistakes
the past you forgot so fast.

In a cracked plastic bottle

it stands there aloof..

In a cracked plastic bottle

i can feel it accuse.

It screams with its silence

to let the gone go..

It screams with its silence

the truth i already know.

I look at it every day
thinking "i'll throw it today"..

I look at it every day
finding a new excuse to let it stay.

In the depths of its dead swirls

i want to smell the scent long gone..

In the depth of its dead swirls

i look, for the love no more.

There's a dead rose on my table

getting deader by the day..

There's a dead rose on my table

telling me the pain is here to stay.