Friday 16 November 2007
Short sabbatical it was...but worth every minute :)
Well, not much of a sabbatical it was..was it?? :)
a mere three days..yes...but a mere three days sometimes make
such a big difference to everything
by the way, let me warn you before hand..this post is
entirely without my characteristic word plays and poetic
so those who read my blog for my abstract posts and pain
well, this might be a bit of a disappointment
for a change i just want to write something simple and direct :)
well where do i start
ah yes..why am i back so soon
have i already found myself
i am still looking..but i think i am on the right track, finally!! :)
life had been..err..well..a little too dead these last few months..
but now i am resuscitating it..trying to get back to being that
not so serious, fun to chat with, up for any adventure,
sometimes bitchy, sometimes crappy, often insane, romantic
idiot, who had once smiled back at me from the mirror...
well i have decided life has been manhandling me long enough..
but just like every dog..(*err bitch :D ) has her day..
its my time..to show life what i can do in return..
so i am all set to kick life back into shape..
time to show it, i can be happy carefree and exuberant without
any help from it :)
i am rekindling my curiosity..reviving my spirit
i have my lessons too.. still love people..still start caring for
everyone i talk to..but i don't trust that easily anymore..
i might still be a romantic..
but i know i won't give my heart away too easily this time round..
i am more careful now..don't believe every word
said to me anymore
i am scarred and have knelt and been defeated and hav
bitten the dust..
but i am rising again..all set to get up..dust the grime off
and walk away, proud of my scars..proud to have put up a fight..
and ready for more..
yes, i am trying to be umang again..not that moping depressed
sallow creature..who had no self respect..a mere beggar...
a defeated soul..a scatter brain..
who had nothing to think about except her losses..
nothing to write about except piteous poems and odes to what
had been or could have been..who had forgotten what it was like
to be curious about life again..to question again..
to laugh without fearing the impending tears..
so these last three days i have been rediscovering what it is like,
to wander the streets alone..looking at houses in the lane and
imagining what mine would look like one day..
getting lost on purpose..just to find some new park or street or
unknown haunt, where i can sit unnoticed, eating a red pack
of bingo mad angles coupled with a coke and accompanied
by my favourite songs, blocking out every unwanted sound
or thought, playing on my faithful cellphone mah red and white
nokia 5300 (muuuah!!)
unravelling again the joy of clicking away like crazy with my phone's
camera.. everything from twisted trees to puppy litters..from fallen
leaves to kids sitting on their balconies
re-experiencing what it is like to turn around and look at the
little street child laying with a broken tire by the dusty road
in front of the construction site, where his mother probably laboured..
to smile at him and to feel your heart lift with amazement and joy
(comparable, in a less sensual way, to the kind of ecstasy you feel
when you dip your spoon into the pure dark chocolate sauce at the
bottom of Haldiram's HCF and put it slowly in your mouth..feeling
the soft sweetness with just that right tint of tempting bitterness..
invading the privacy ofevery hidden dark corner of your mouth
teasing you and making you go mmm...:sighhhhhhhhh:
uhm uhm..coming back to the topic..), when he smiles back at you
and waves with a grin on his face and vulnerability in those
innocent puppy eyes..
reliving the pleasure of standing on the bed with my eyes closed
and jumping..(err dancing :D) away to glory
and i don't know so much more..i am trying again to live life
a smile here a guffaw there..a tear forgotten..drowned in swirls
and i am ready to live them all again :)